May Allah bless you and your family to live in peace and harmony!
Marriage is an institute which can be as firm as a rock or weak as a thread, it is up to the partners to make it either one. Due to the influence of Shaytaan, bad desires and environment outside and inside the home, sometimes a married man starts making an affair with a non-Mahram woman and may lose interest in his own wife at home. This article discusses some causes of this problem and a few suggestions for the wife to re-gain her husband’s love.
At the time of concern and tension in domestic affairs, review your life pattern to see in how many ways you can improve yourselves.
Protection of eyes:
This is one of the biggest concerns in the Ummah today, affecting both the young an old. The outside environment (streets, markets, workplaces, social events) and media inside homes (TV, magazines, internet) are filled with opportunities to look at non-Mahram faces. If someone does not protect the eyes and looks with lust and desires, his heart may be occupied with dozens of beautiful faces and may easily forget his own wife.
Disrespect and quarrels at home:
Even if the wife is sincere in her heart, sometimes abusing the tongue on domestic issues may lead the husband to feel disrespected. If the wife does not treat the husband well, he may find more peace talking to strange women outside home. Usually the people outside home (for example, at the markets and social events) appear more polite, smiling and keeping a soft and sweet-tone. This is a ‘big competition’ for the spouse at home to surpass the loving and admiring attitude experienced in the outside world!
Suggestions for Happy Marriage
Kindly review our advice on Happy Marriage – Living with Peace and Harmony at Home at http://islameasy.org/marriage-advice
There is a great reward for patience at the time of difficulty.
This life is all about controlling desires and protecting from the traps of Nafs (self) and Shaytaan. This is a temporary life where desires and feeling may not be fulfilled completely - the place for enjoyment and desires is Jannah. This life is all about responsibilities, fulfilling others rights and following the commands of Allah and Sunnah.
Manners and protection of tongue:
From our elders we have learned that the best method to increase the love between the husband and the wife is to obtain great morals and etiquettes and to guard our tongue. By doing both of those, one will be able to attract your spouse into a never ending love. Please review the following article: http://islameasy.org/tongue-protection
List of husband’s likes and dislikes:
Living closely for a period of time, the wife knows the secrets of do’s and don’ts which pleases the husband. At the time of difficulty and concern, when the husband is not behaving well, extra precaution should be taken and a “selfless” attitude is needed to win his heart.
Make an extra effort to improve your character and fulfill your husbands rights with humility, and Allah will elevate you in your husband's (and everyone) eyes, as the Prophet (Sallallaho Alaihe Wasallam) has said," the one who lowers himself for the pleasure of Allah, Allah elevates him. "
If there are particular things that the husband likes, make extra effort in doing it before he asks. Also, don’t think about his bad qualities, instead concentrate on the good he has. Remember that Allah has chosen you both to be husband and wife out of His wisdom.
Looking for rights or love?
“Do not go by the book of ‘My Rights’. Go by the book of Love, Ihsaan and khidmat. In other words, if every person goes out of his or her way to fulfill the rights of others, instead of demanding his or her own rights, or goes a step further than just fulfillment of rights, i.e. he or she goes out of his or her way to be kind, caring, loving and forgiving, then automatically this world will become a paradise.” (Hedyatus Saalikeen, selected quotes by Shaykh Yunus Patel, 1998, South Africa)
A warm-welcome of the husband:
When a husband enters home and looks at the wife with love and mercy and wife also looks at the husband with love and mercy, Allah looks at both of them with mercy.
Entering and leaving home with salam and du’a keeps Shaytaan away.
The beauty and attraction of a woman is for her husband only. The wife at home should adorn herself for the husband when he arrives home and meet with him cheerfully. On the other hand, when a woman goes out of her home (for example, for a social event), she should wear simple and modest clothing and observe complete Hijaab in front of non-Mahram. In practice, this is not followed in today’s society which opens the door of immodesty.
Virtues of good deeds:
Imagine a pious wife making Du’a for his husband after every Salah: May Allah make him a pious man! May Allah bless him with wisdom and knowledge of Deen! May Allah accept all his good deeds and keep Shaytaan away from him!
Pray Salat-ul-Hajat and Istekhara before making important decisions. See the main page at http://islameasy.org/
Give some Sadaqa on behalf of your spouse.
Increase time for Du’a, especially if you could wake up during the last part of night. Here is a startup script and examples of Dua:
Dua from the Core of Heart http://islameasy.org/pdf/Duae_Walihana.pdf
Environment of pious people:
Find a pious Shaykh near your area and encourage the husband to attend his programs with intention to acquire the love of Allah Almighty. Listen to lectures and read books on pious husband and wife.
Read books of virtues (like Muntakhab Ahadith, Riyadus-Saliheen) with your family for 5-10 minutes every evening.
Request the husband to bring some Islamic books of good deeds, Du’a and zikr for the family.
If there is a gathering for Ta'leem (Islamic knowledge to increase faith and good deeds) encourage your spouse to attend. Your masjid Imam and community may help you find such programs.
Only Allah knows what is beneficial for us. He is All Wise, All Merciful.
May Allah bless you and your family to live in peace and harmony! Ameen!
Recommended Readings for wife:
The Rights of Husband by Shaykh Hakeem Muhammad Akhtar
The Rights of a Husband and his Status* by Shaykh Mufti Muhammad Taqi Usmani
*Discourses on Islamic Way of Life volume-2, Darul-Ishaat, Karachi, Pakistan (translation of Islahi Khutbaat, translated by Iqbal Hussain Ansari)
The Rights of Women by Shaykh Hakeem Muhammad Akhtar
The Status and Rights of a Wife in Islam* by Shaykh Mufti Muhammad Taqi Usmani
Status of Woman in Islam by Shaykh Ahmed Abdul Mujeeb Qasmi (translated by Muhammad Owais Jafrey) http://islameasy.org/k225-womeninislam
Islam is the only religion which has given woman the status in accordance to her nature and determined her rights and duties according to her personality. Islam gave woman that dignity which no other ideology or faith has ever given. This 3-part lecture series talks about the status and role of women in society, removes misconceptions and shows how Islam elevates the status of a daughter, sister, wife and mother
SWT = Subhanahu Wa Ta'Ala
SAW = Sallallaho Alaihe Wasallam
AS = AlehisSalam
RA = Radhiyallaho anhu
RAnha= Radhiyallaho anha
The articles are published to enhance your knowledge of Islam. The references of Quran and Hadith are the approximate translation of the Arabic text. The scholarly reader is encouraged to refer to the original Arabic script if there is any doubt. Kindly notify us if the translation can be enhanced.